


not his

by WhoIsTab



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, but i still wrote it and i still want to post it, i wrote this as a vent piece, its not romantic and not a healthy piece, larry au, ok please DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE EASILY INFLUENCED BY VIOLENCE OR HEARTBREAAK, um... its really self-indulgent and involves harry beating louis up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 12:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8488975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhoIsTab/pseuds/WhoIsTab
Summary: Louis' stream of consciousness after a violent encounter with harry





	

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: please please dont think this is how i think of harry  
>  bc its not its not its not its not   
> its not its not its not!!!  
> this is fiction   
> this is violence  
> this is bad  
>  but i just want someonw to like it
> 
> sometimes ur mind can be a violent place after all

blood. blood. blood. 

blood and spit.

what else what else

everything was hot and it hurt

tears. there were tears on his face.

what the fuck just happened.

Oh.

Yeah.

That.

Harry… well harry wasn’t Harry anymore.

he was harry now.

harry had… he…

he didn’t want to see him anymore, 

or at least, 

that’s what louis assumed

although…

every time harry’s knee connected with his face, harry screamed

‘i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you.’

by the end of it, he had to scrape out the words from his throat filled with knives. 

the harsh jagged language hit his ears softly.

harry was sobbing, knuckles bloodied, jeans and chucks covered in the same.

it was louis’.

maybe he Kept those jeans, maybe he would Save them.

maybe he heard louis croak out 

‘i love you too’

as he was walking away from him.

louis fell asleep after that.

he woke to the taste, smell, presence of blood.

his blood, it was painfully obvious. 

it felt great. 

the cold tiles of his tiny bathroom were coated.

white, pale blue

now with red.

God Save The Queen.

louis joked with himself in this state.

what else could he do? as long as 

he didn’t move didn’t breathe didn’t open his eyes too much didn’t think

it didn’t hurt so much.

how many times had harry’s fist connected with his face? his stomach? 

how many kicks to his back before he left?

how many times before had that gentle hand caressed his cheek before kissing him softly?

a quick kiss of pain blossomed in his chest as he contemplated this

ow.

quiet quiet breathing

shhh mustn’t wake my memories

he slowly bent his pointer finger ow ow ow

he stopped that.

Ah -- yes

That pain is because he was thrown into the wall. 

He can see the crack in the drywall.

Louis swallowed the blood and spit and tears

They were still there after he did that

 

He knew if he were to look at himself

Properly

Anyone could make out the bleeding shapes of various sharp rings

Those were

From harry’s knuckles 

On his skin

Again and again and again and again and again and

He gasped for air.

Pain pain pain pain

He didn’t know-or did he know

What did he know anymore?

Romance and pain are intertwined with his life it seems

He knows why harry did it

He had been so in love with harry that he never realized what they had was not good

It wasn’t the freshly baked bread daisy chain freshly cut lawns

It wasn’t summer nights and star gazing and laughing too loud while lying too close

It was pain

He understands that now

The love was never balanced

The love was insufferable

He wasn’t his

He never will be


End file.
